I want to Discuss Something Personal
by The Real Undeadpoet
Summary: What would happen if Zevran thought he was going to win Dir En's heart? And was 'let down' for another after propositioning her? Would the cocky arrogance of the Antivan Crow want revenge for coming in Second to Alistair?
1. Chapter 1

Story: I want to Discuss Something Personal

Dir En a Human Female Rogue/Alistair/Zevran

What would happen if Zevran thought he was going to win Dir En's heart? And was 'let down' for another after propositioning her? Would the cocky arrogance of the Antivan Crow want revenge for coming in Second to Alistair?

* * *

Dir En knew she had to speak with Zevran, she knew that the elf unfortunately saw her as more then a friend. She scolded herself for not seeing the signs and not stopping it when it started. But then Alistair confessed his love to her...and the rose, oh the rose was so romantic and Alistair so sweet. It was like he was a prince come to sweep her off her feet in a fairytale. Of course he was a prince that didn't want to be king and the fairy's were dark spawn that they needed to kill so that the world would be saved. Even with that their paths fit better then her and an assassin. She was a Teryn's daughter after all, she couldn't go running off with an assassin.

Zevran was nice enough, handsome, exciting and full of compliments which she ate up as any woman would but that life would not be for her not if she looked at it logically. Yet, right now logic wasn't doing anything for her torn heart. She had told Alistair that she chose him and that she was going to tell Zevran that they were only friends. ~this isn't going to go well, I just know it~ Dir En thought to herself as she walked up to Zevran and he turned to smile at her.

"Zevran, I want to discuss something personal"

"Tsk, look at you so tired...do you know what you need?"

"Zevran I..."

The Antivan didn't want to let her get a word in edge wise "why don't we retire to your tent and I show you the massage skills that one learns only in an Antivan whore house"

"Zevran..please"

He finally allowed her to speak "Yes my dear warden what is it?"

"I can't...there is someone else"

He had been stabbed before, this time it was deeper, the wound more painful then anything that bleed before. "Ahh...I see. Well then forget what I said and let us go on with what we were doing mm?" he smiled covering up the pain. He wasn't going to show this human woman how hurt he was, not now. "You have a good rest Warden and we will get to killing dark spawn yet again in the morning" he bid her adieu and slipped into his tent, sitting down on his bedroll. He waited as still as he could be listening to her he wanted to make sure she left the vicinity of his tent before he broke down.

Dir En wanted to go in with him, to hold him to tell him she still wanted him as her friend but she knew that in itself would hurt him more...at least for now she was going to give him time. Hopefully he would come around. She turned and walked back to Alistair's tent where the other Grey warden stood with open arms to wrap around her. He knew this was hard for her but he wasn't going to share her with anyone. He helped her into his tent so that they could hold each other and comfort each other for they didn't know if either of them would make it out of this blight alive.

In his tent, Zevran had let the tears fall and the anger rise. He had never been second to any one; he had always gotten the girl or the man; of course this was different he had actually fallen in love with her just like he did with Rinna. With Rinna he couldn't go back...this time Dir En wasn't just going to turn her back on him...he was going to make her see his love even if it killed her.

He pulled his pack over to him, pulling out some vials of poison. He smiled when he found the three he needed. His mind went back to a time that his master schooled him on this technique. If done correctly the poison would hit a certain time after given and it wouldn't kill; it would put the subject to sleep and into a more agreeable state.

~My dear Grey Warden it's not over yet~ he smiled to himself blowing out the oil lamp in his tent and settling down to sleep.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2 - I want to discuss something personal

Over the next few days Zevran put on the mask of friend, he told Alistair and the Warden that don't worry about them kissing in front of him, that he has seen it a few times and he wouldn't stare. Yet, they didn't realize each time their lips touched his anger and want for revenge grew. He had the poison with him so at anytime he could use it but he had to get her away from Alistair first and making the fool Templar feel there was no threat was the first step.

Once back at the established camp, all were working on settling in. Zevran came over and asked Dir En "My dear warden, would you accompany me into the woods? Oh now now you had your chance to have me so this is just for food" he teased her as if he would any other time so she would think nothing of it.

She smiled looking relieved that over the last few days he seemed to have relaxed around her and Alistair and she was thankful for "Sure Zevran, let me get my sword" she moved back over to Alistair and kissed him on the cheek saying she would be back soon.

Zevran waved to Alistair and then turned to lead Dir En into the woods. He took her far into the thick of the forest "you will tell us if we are heading towards dark spawn won't you?" he laughed.

"Of course, now I wonder what we should have for dinner, Alistair has charred too many rabbits to count" she smiled to him liking that he was with her as a friend.

"I say bird, for I have brought my bow, maybe we can find a rather large foul of sorts mm? Or I have it, venison sounds wonderful no?" he pointed in a direction "come I bet we will get one good buck today"

She followed little knowing he was leading her to a place he had set up, when they first made the other camp. Now the only thing was to give her the first part of the poison and if done well she will want him…and him only and to hell with Alistair. He pulled from his pocket a ring one that was special. Within it had a compartment that housed the poison and a needle that when activated would be used to deliver the poison with but a light scratch.

Back at camp; Alistair had finished the fire and Morrigan came over "You are an idiot aren't you"

"What is it now Morrigan? can't you just wonder off and die?"

"You are a fool to have allowed her to go off with him; don't you know he still wants her? Lusts for her? You haven't seen it?"

"She doesn't want him so there you go nothing will happen"

"Oh, you so sure? Since he can't have her why should anyone have her, he still is an assassin isn't he?" she turned and walked back over to her own campsite away from the others.

Alistair stood there thinking and then his thoughts turned to worry, he grabbed his sword and shield and left to find his love.

In the woods, Zevran led Dir En to his campsite little did she know it was his.

"What is this? This reminds me of the campsite in the Brecilian Forest you know the one that the fade demon lured travelers in? Maybe we should leave" she turned and ran right into Zevran who stood behind her. His hands move to hold her upper arms, the ring was triggered and the needle was scratching her skin making her gasp.

"No no this is no fade demon's nest, it is for us" he smiled at her.

"What are you talking about let go of me Zevran or I'll …." Just then her legs gave out the poison had started to work, now it was up to him to administer the rest of the ingredients so he could get the desired effect, her loving him. "what's happening I"

"Shhhhh my dear, I am here I will not let anything hurt you. You are here with me and I will take care of you and you will see just how much I love you" He picked her up into his arms and carried her into the tent.

To be continued….

**_NOTE: I'm going to rewrite the last part...had some insights and reviews that made me rethink it. Thank you all for making me realize how different this is in comparison to what I'm used to writing...yes vampire stuff LOL. So give me a bit and I'll redo the last part hopefully in a better light for our most beloved assassin. _**


	3. Chapter 3

(this is a redo...hope you like)

Chap 3 – I want to discuss something personal

Alistair wasn't a tracker but he went in the direction they went, and hoped he would find them _~Morrigan is a bitch, she probably just said this shit to get me to go crazy. But~_ he noticed a broken branch and a half foot print leading the way _ ~I can't take that chance, I know that Zevran wanted Dir En; and we talked about it her and I. She thought he was past it or at least he tried to accept us, I think. She trusted him more then I ever did; what if he finishes what he started, or something else? Damn it I shouldn't have let her go alone with him~ _ He continued deeper into the woods, his senses outstretched to sense any dark spawn and he also was trying to sense her since she like him had the taint.

Dir En fought the sensation taking over her body, she hadn't ever felt this way before, so weak, so uncertain. Zevran had laid her down on a bedroll that had been already placed out. Her mind was racing, her eyes pleaded with him to tell her what this was about. Zevran's hand moved to her face "aah my dear Grey Warden you are fighting it I see, maybe the taint is fighting the drug I gave you; well this is only the beginning" he moved to reach for his pack pulling out another vial. He mixed a small amount with some water. Once done he put his hand behind her head to lift her up and put the glass to her lips.

"No..." she tried to move her head away and move her hand which was so heavy she could only lift it to his but there was no strength to pull his arm away.

He smiled "This will help you forget the past, and the mixture will make your mind open to want me and how you say, see the light?" He poured the drugged water into her mouth, her reflexes just made her gulp and take in the liquid. She wanted to spit it out, she wanted to scream. As she struggled with the feelings inside her a single tear fell from her eye, flowing down her cheek. Zevran hesitated for a second, she was crying. Why? She had to see that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. He was right, she had given him gifts and such, she she had to care.

While the drug was taking effect, he began to whisper to her, to imprint on her mind what he wished her to believe and that he believed himself. "You know you love me Dir En; I understand that you care for Alistair he is another Grey Warden he is a brother in arms as it were, so it's comfortable for you. Yet I...I love you. I know you yearn for me my dear, I remember that day we met and you teased me with torture to get me to talk. It is your fault for teasing me my love; a fierce, deadly goddess like yourself will attract men like moths to a flame but I am an Antivan Crow I play with death every day and I will make you my goddess." He caressed her face tenderly but as he watched her face within his own heart he was torn...was this right?

Using the taint in her blood, just as she did when she was fighting dark spawn to draw on that inner strength, she kept fighting the drugs, she was a Grey Warden she was more then this and she had to get away. She hoped it was like he said that the taint in her was not allowing the drugs to take their full effect...so there was hope.

_~I will never forget...Alis...Alistair will I?~ _She reached up to Zevran's hand and smacked it away. She struggled within herself, her mind went to her father and mother, how they were betrayed by Howe a supposed friend, now she too was being betrayed by a friend as he tried to use his drugs to get into her mind. But some of her memories where indeed fading.

Alistair had heard talking or had he? He reached out again with his senses, there it was, the feeling. Yes, it was the taint but it wasn't the dark spawn; it was the feeling he had when he was around her. He could sense her due to the taint. In a way this made him feel comforted for now he could track her where ever she went for his sanity and her safety. He would never loose her not now not when he had found something to live for and maybe someone to help him rule this country if they survived. He headed towards that feeling and came upon a camp, he didn't hesitate, he walked up to the tent and pulled back the flap seeing Zevran sitting near Dir En as she lay there.

Zevran moving on instinct pulled a dagger and twirled around to face Alistair "What are you doing here?" he stilled his blade.

If Zevran had of attacked Alistair wouldn't have hesitated to kill him, but not knowing the situation he held back for Dir En's sake, she still thought of the assassin as her friend "I could say the same to you, what's happened?' he turned his gaze to his love "Dir En? are you okay?" he moved to her but watching the elf as well.

"We were out looking for food and we encountered dark spawn, one did something to her and I was trying to see if I could help" he lied. It wasn't foreign to him but again there was that feeling that he shouldn't be doing this. In saying it out loud this too allowed the lie to weave into Dir En's memory as if it did happen.

"Whose camp is this? It looks like its been here for a while"

Now that Zevran didn't have to lie about, sometimes the truth was a better ally. "It is mine, anywhere we set up the main camp I set up an extra, never know when I am going to be told to leave and can not or...do not wish to because I don't want to go back to the crows. I swore an oath and I intend to live up to that oath. Even if she had told me to leave I could have helped from afar" indeed that was what this was for as well as hoping to be a camp for him and Dir En to be together, but now that was threatened.

Alistair acknowledged that odd reasoning so he pulled Dir En up into his arms to take her back to camp "Let's get her back maybe Wynne can check on her and heal her"

Zevran nodded, he knew that it was too late for the mage to do any good, the drug had at least started to open his loves mind up to him, he would just have to bide his time once again.

Dir En found herself being lifted _~who?~ _she thought. When she looked at the one who held her in strong comforting arms she thought she knew him. Strong, handsome, but gentle. She couldn't put a name to the face. "Who?" she whispered.

Alistair looked to her as he carried her back "Dir En it's me Alistair, you are going to be fine."

"Alistair?...Do I know you?" she asked "Wait...I must" A feeling that she knew this man came to her but she couldn't pin it down.

_Do I know you? _That question stung his heart, what had happened what type of dark spawn poison could have done this? Or was it one that wielded magic? "shh, it's okay let me get you back to camp so you can rest, you be better in the morning"

_~Aye in the morning she will be open enough to see me as well as you Alistair, even if she remembers you and she will see my dear Templar friend that I love her more then you~_ Zevran thought to himself as he followed.

To be continued....


	4. Chapter 4

Chap 4 – I want to discuss something personal

Once they got back to camp, he placed her into their tent not thinking that she may not know it was their tent that they had shared for the last few nights. Zevran made his way to his own spot in camp and started to work on the next phase of the poison, it was an incense, similar to the incense of awareness. He had used it before in many a bedchamber after seducing his way into a marks arms so that they may be less likely to fight being assassinated. He wished he had used it on that mage that luckily fell out of her own carriage to break her neck.

Alistair laid Dir En down, then went to get Wynne. "Wynne? I'm sorry to bother you but could you look at Dir En? Zevran said they encountered dark spawn out there while hunting and now...she seems not to remember me" he just wanted to ask for help but his words showed the hurt in his heart that his love may not know him.

"It is no trouble Alistair give me a moment" Wynne grabbed her staff and came over to the Grey Wardens' tent. Once inside she saw how Dir En was looking about as if she was trying to remember something. Wynne looked at Alistair "Alistair could you?..."

"Oh uh certainly" he turned to leave, yet before he exited the tent he saw a pair of gloves that Dir En was going to give to Zevran. In her state now she probably didn't remember getting them in the Dalish camp. She was going to give them to Zevran once they were back in camp after hunting. So Alistair grabbed them to take them to Zevran. Alistair felt he had wronged the elf in thinking that Zevran had done something to Dir En, so this may show the assassin that he did indeed trust him not knowing that Zevran had done anything to her. He left the mage to do her healing and went to see Zevran.

"Zevran can I talk to you" he came up to where the elf looked to be busy mixing something. "What are you mixing there?"

"Oh something to place on my blades, makes the dark spawn fall ever so much quicker" he smiled up at the human "what can I do for you?" he was still in his mindset that what he was doing was right so as he spoke he felt his deception was for the best.

"Thank you for helping her out there, I'm glad she had someone to watch for her"

"Always Alistair" he smiled

"Well, I hope that once Wynne heals her she remembers and can tell us what happened but if not, she may not remember to give these to you" he handed the Dalish gloves to Zevran.

The shock on his face was immediate, "Gloves she's giving me gloves what for?" a mixture of uncertainty now coursed through him. He put down what he was doing and took the gloves, looking at the fine embroidery and leather work.

"She told me that she wanted to do something nice for you, since you were such a good friend to her, to both of us. She remembered you mentioning that you owned some from your mother and they were taken from you so she got these while in the Dalish camp." Alistair yes was a warrior but he always wanted to think well of others; there were always stories behind people so who was he to judge. This in itself made Zevran feel for the first time that what he had done was wrong.

"Makers breath they are like my mothers...she remembered"

"Trust me she remembered me rambling about this" Alistair pulled out from under his armor, an amulet that now hung around his neck. "This is my mother's amulet, she found it in the Arl's study after I spoke to her once about it even before...before" he was going to say before they knew they had fallen in love with one another.

"Before?"

"Before we realized that we cared for each other more then friends. I first chalked it up as the taint we shared together. I know I don't have your past with women but I know she now is my life I...don't want to live with out her"

_~I know what you mean~ _Zevran thought to himself, holding the leather gloves, smelling the rich leather. This smell calmed him, allowed him to think of what he was doing. To force someone to care for him was wrong. If he were her true friend he would be happy for her and Alistair right?

"Listen Zevran. I want to ask you something...discuss something personal" Alistair saw the look, the elf still loved Dir En, maybe now was not the time but he had to ask this before the final battle.

"What?" Zevran was usually the talkative one but in his shocked state holding the gloves he could only work on a few words.

"A favor, when we go up against the arch demon even if they accept me at the lands meet as their new king I...I will NOT let Dir En take the final blow and kill the arch demon"

"What? Isn't it her battle as well why deny her the kill of that foul thing and send it back into what ever hole it crawled out of?" He wasn't aware of the consequences of the kill.

"Riordan talked to us and told us why a grey warden had to kill the arch demon"

"It is due to the taint correct?" the elf still had the cunning mind to figure these things out.

"Yes that is right but, the one that kills it will die as well" his heart hurt in thinking that he could loose the woman he loved to this blight. 

"What?" Zevran stood, his hand tightening around the gloves.

"I'm not about to let that happen to her." he put his hand on the elf's shoulder "Even if they accept me at the lands meet as their new king, I love her too much to let her take that blow and what better way to serve as a king? Mm?" he took his hand back "I want you to take care of her if I don't make it, be that friend to her that she will desperately need if I fall...can I ask that of you"

Zevran was taken back hard by this turn of events. How could he have foreseen this? Alistair in his own way made the assassin finally and truly realize that he couldn't continue what he had started. He looked up to Alistair, holding back the emotions that he was feeling "I will do this for you my friend" those words he now spoke truly, spoke them as they should have been spoken. "and tell her that by her side I would willingly storm the gates of the Dark City itself do not doubt it"

Alistair nodded and smiled at the man before him "Thank you my friend, the final battle will be upon us soon and now I can go to it knowing that she will be taken care of" he was about to turn to go back to see how Dir En was when he was stopped by a hand.

"Alistair take this" he produced a small vial "There are poisons out there that make one forget but this, can help you restore her memories of you...maybe not all of the memories that have transpired in the past few days" _~and hopefully not the wrong I did to her~ _ "but...if given time she will remember her love for you"

"Will this work?" still not knowing that Zevran had anything to do with the memory loss of his love.

"I believe so, the signs of what effected her was similar to what I have seen before so this may help, it can't hurt no?" Alistair nodded smiling now hopeful that Dir En's memory will defiantly return soon.

He watched the warrior go back to their tent, his eyes went back to the gloves in his hand feeling the softness of the leather. As he was putting them on Morrigan came over.

"This is wily of you Zevran" she said watching him then looking at Alistair leave.

"What is so wily of me, o magical temptress?" once the gloves were on he felt his playful sarcastic side come back to him smiling to her.

"Getting in the good graces of the one who decides whether you live or die. Not to mention the one who can protect you against your former comrades." she was hinting at more and he knew it to he decided to play as well.

"Oh and I'm supposed to believe yo are here because of a sense of patriotism, perhaps?" his hand moved to his blades just toying with them to show her that he didn't want her to tell even if she knew. He respected her power but she too should respect living through the night.

"Ha, hardly that" she laughed.

"We all have our reasons for doing what we do" _~now I more then ever~ _"mine happen to come with a set of lovely eyes" _~and two friends~_ he smiled his wonderful smile to her which made her humph and move back to her lonely tent away from all others. He then went back to his work...this time he poured out the contents of what he was creating for now he didn't need it. He would let fate decide now on how this story would end.

Back at the Warden's tent, Wynne cleared Dir En's system as best she could but her memory of some things was still fuzzy. "I will leave you now I think you need a good night's rest"

"Thank you Wynne"

Once outside. "Alistair, are you alright?" she saw the man come up to the tent.

"I should have protected her, it's just like Duncan I feel I have failed them both" he was a man in love, one that wished only to keep those they loved away from all harm and anyone who actually knew the world understood that was impossible.

"Only if you keep thinking like that will you fail her, she is no weak woman to be shielded. She loves you, that memory can never change but if you change now towards her, are you the one that truly deserves her love? Do you understand? Remember you make her happy and for two Grey Wardens it's not easy I am glad you found each other"

"What do you want me to go in there and drop a few one liners? Do you think that may help her memory?"

"Well maybe, but do go in there and show her that you are there for her mm? Let her mind remember when it can" Wynne patted his arm and left back to her tent.

He turned, knowing he didn't' have to ask Wynne not to say anything to the others, and entered the tent cautiously "May I come in?"

"It's your tent"

"Our tent thank you" he let the flap drop.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure in my life" he took some of his armor off so he could sit down, near her not too close so she could come to him, he was not going to force the issue. "I also have something for you" he reached for his pack and pulled out a rose. "Here, look at this. Do you know what it is?"

She couldn't think so she let her sarcasm speak for her "Your new weapon of choice?"

He smirked and replied "Yes, that's right! Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, dark spawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!"

She couldn't help herself, here he was being himself, genuine and adorable; she had to smile at that, remembering his smile, feeling something...warm towards him. "You are silly"

"I've been told that, here I'd like you to have this. I want you to remember that like this rose you are the one bright spot in everything I can think of, just....just let me be a bright spot for you because I know you've been through so much more then I. I am here for you Dir En" he handed her the rose.

She smiled to him, "Thank you Alistair...I...appreciate it" She wanted to go to him, be in his arms but she wasn't sure that the feelings were real what if he didn't feel the same?

"Dir En, know my arms will always be here, to hold you, to shield you...to show you I love you" he smiled, cocking his head to the side just like her dog Grey did. Again the warmth of the man was like coming home. Comfortable. She didn't remember what had taken place an hour ago but other memories came to her, one of the joining ritual, another of Alistair standing up for what was right with the werewolves and the elves, another of him hurt after visiting Goldanna and finally realizing that usually everyone was out for themselves. Then there it was, the memory of their first kiss...it was in camp just like they were now. He watched her as she thought of these things and became concerned. "Are you okay?" he still had the vial Zevran gave him and he would give it to her if it looked as if she was not recovering.

"I'm okay, I just remembered the Grey Warden motto

_"In war, victory_  
_In peace, vigilance_  
_In death, sacrifice"_

but then she added another part.... "and in life, love" she smiled to him, bringing the rose up to smell it, yes it was the rose but also his scent for it had been with him all this time. When she looked back to him he had opened his arms to her and she took that opportunity to go to him, to be wrapped in their strength. Yes, even if she didn't' remember what happened, she remembered this for this was stronger then any taint, or poison...this was love.

The end.


End file.
